A Curse!

C thinks I am unfriendly and should smile at people more and not assume the worst motives. However as they say in the new parlance I am a gender non-con forming woman. Most times it doesn't pay to make eye contact with everyone.

As my brother related to me years ago, his red headed friend in New York swore she had a weirdo magnet in her stomach.

Yesterday while sitting at a cafe dying of heat and thirst I gulped down ice cold soda water with lime like Lawrence of Arabia after the desert.

A street peddler approached from behind offering C sunglasses. She said no Gracias as did I very briefly making eye contact.

Upon looking at me he became enraged and with spanish spitting in gutteral tones he twisted his fingers and hands in a spell turning around to pronounce some bad magic against me.

OK that was weird C said.

I was half laughing though a bit alarmed.

I think that guy just cursed me! What the hell? I didn't do anything! And he just put a curse on me.

He was mentally ill obviously, she replied.

I swear if it was 1935 and brownshirts in Germany had just smashed in the front windows of my store  she'd consign it to mental illness.

However put the curse behind you and go to enjoy the fabulous massage you booked in the hotel.

A half walkway up some reserve stairs I lay down on the table for a not bad massage. 

The horrid pan pipe muzak loop playing Careless Whispers and Elton John standards weren't enough to wreck my relaxed muscles and spine into their rock hard tense state I usually carry.

I went back to the room to enjoy the superb mutil-jet shower: cue the scene from the original  Carrie  where sissy spacek enjoys the last hot shower and minutes of a world of innocence and safety.

Well with Carrie we all know what happens next.

I turned the shower off and went to leave.

Earlier that morning C had taken a shower and left it on for me.  When I went to get in, the door was shut tighter than the Bank of Zurich.

We kept pulling, tugging, lifting, doing any thing to get the damn door to open.

Worse the Jets from the shower were beginning to flood the large bathroom area floor.

I went to the front desk to get help. 

Francisco the grounds keeper about 6.5 ft arrived. He tugged and pushed and pulled but couldn't get the damn glass shower door open. However he reached over the door to turn the shower off and finally opened the door.  The door had a flaw: don't close it!

Man, I thought, what if you were alone and got trapped in the shower.  That would be awful .

I went to leave my Roman sanctum. However while bathing the whipping winds (this is true) which were shaking the locked windows and doors like a hurricane smacked the shower door shut.

I was trapped. Pushing, pulling, lifting tugging all covered in greasy massage oil.

I thought well C will soon be back from her mall shopping trip to drop off the clothes. 

No such luck. 

It was going on 10 minutes just standing naked in a shower pushing pulling trying McGuyver moves.  I had nothing. Crawling along the floor -how could I unscrew the hinges? Shampoo bottle? No. Only soap. I didn't even have glasses and kid you not the walls and shower door were 8 feet.

I started jumping up to try and open the windows to call for help. I managed to unlock one. It was now 20 minutes. No C.

HOLA I yell over and over. I can hear the staff in the garden. No response.

After 15 minutes I hear the distinct sound of people walking down the metal catalk stairs.

HELLO HELLO PEOPLE ON THE STAIRS CAN YOU HEAR ME!!!!

Finally I hear someone say - are you talking to us?

Yes I am trapped in the shower in my room  I can't get out and need help.. the door is jammed!

Oh dear, I hear in reply

What room are you in?

22 I am trapped in the shower.  Room 22 the door is jammed. GO to the front desk and tell them I need help!

But also tell them before they come in I need a towel (I was naked).

Happy I was at my immediate rescue...however time dripped as I was allowed to meditate on the many flaws of my body.

Finally I heard a staff person knocking on the door
.
HELP, AUYUDA HELP...I am in the shower I am trapped!

Senora? Senora?

Yo Aqui I scream jumping at thw window 8 feet above. Suddenly a woman stuffs large towel through the bars of the window and walks away.

COME BACK! Returno! Por Favor!

OK I GO to front desk...

Nothing. No one.  I am getting cold by now but turning on the shower will signal no emergency.

Nothing.

I finally hear another clonk down stairs.

HELP HELP PERSON STAIRS!

pause...do you need help?

YES  YES I AM TRAPPED IN THE SHOWER OF ROOM 22.  GET HE.P I AM TRAPPED AND THE SHOWER DOOR IS JAMMED.I CAN'T GET OUT.

Silence. Then the phone starts ringing. I can't answer.

Finally knocking at the door I yell come in at least wrapped in a towel.

The nose picking front desk guy and the very efficient woman who cleans the hotel push, pull, tug, lift and finally the efficient woman manages to open the god damn door.

I walk up to the bar at the roof  of the hotel. C was walking down the stairs. - where have you been? I've been waiting here.

The next day walking down a small street a woman looks me directly in the eye.

She has braces, therefore money. She changes direction to walk right into me and starts laughing in my face and I think she's going to punch me.

HA HA HA H..A

What is wrong with that woman? C says, I think she must be mentally ill.