Mirror in the Bathroom

This posting is made as a point of clarification for persons who have come to visit Catherine and I at our house. Catherine originally wanted me to personally email everyone and clear up any misconceptions people might have about us, but I have elected to do it by way of blog.

You see, two weeks ago, my friend Livia was visiting us and out of the blue, asked why we had placed a gigantic mirror right beside the upstairs' bathroom toilet.

Were we, she wondered, concerned that we would be doing our business at some point, be attacked, and had some need to know how we would look in such a crisis?

Now the whole point of her comment wasn't just that there is a huge, gigantic mirror beside the upstairs, bathroom toilet; rather it is the fact that that mirror is the only mirror in the entire household.

There is no mirror in the downstairs bathroom above the sink; there is no mirror in the upstairs bathroom above the sink; there is no mirror on the bathroom door; there are no standing mirrors in any of the bedrooms; there are no mirrors in any of the halls, or on any of the walls; no, we have only one huge mirror in the house, which sits exactly right beside the toilet giving one a full image of self on toilet. Placed in such a position, it offers no views of anything or anyone else, unless one sits directly on the toilet seat and cranes ones' neck to the side.

It was only when Livia broached the subject, that we realized that everyone who has visited us or come to see the house, must think that we like to watch ourselves go to the bathroom.

Our mortification only intensified when I reminded Catherine that when my family was here over Christmas, my brother kept moving the giant mirror to another place in the bathroom; one which would allow one to actually see ones' whole self and not just sitting on the toilet. Catherine however, would keep moving the mirror back beside the toilet each time Scott moved it away, no doubt fueling his suspicions that Catherine and I liked to watch ourselves going to the toilet.

So to set the record straight: Catherine and I do not watch ourselves going to the bathroom.

The giant mirror was left (and placed there) by the previous owners of the house. We just kinda...well...left it there and haven't managed to get off our duffs and place the giant mirror on a wall as that would involve actual decisive action on our part regarding the house, something we have had trouble mustering up.

And the reason we have no other mirrors in the house is not because we are:

a) perverts;

b) devout Jews in mourning; or

c) vampires who are also perverts;

It is because we have bought a number of mirrors, tried them out and never found any that look good. Rather than letting the unsatisfactory mirrors pile up with all our other junk we haven't got around to putting on the walls, I dutifully return said mirrors for a full refund at their point of purchase.

As for personal grooming needs, Catherine has a small hand mirror which we use, dreaming of the day when we will find a mirror that looks good in the house.

As for why Catherine kept moving the gigantic toilet mirror back beside the toilet each time my brother moved it, she explained that she was worried that the mirror was "going to fall". That is her story, and I'm letting her stick to it.